Marriage has traditionally been an institution designed to enable white, heterosexual, middle-class males. But as we continue to move forward, we see the voices and love of other ethnic groups, lifestyles and genders more empowered by matrimony. Read more
Divorce and remarriage was once a major faux pas. Interestingly enough, today it is common to meet people who have been married two or three times, and our culture is completely comfortable with it. Having multiple marriages really doesn’t shock people anymore. But statistics show that these people who are marrying multiple times are more likely to end their current marriage, and remarry once again. According to an article in TIME Magazine, “Statistics show that more second marriages break up than first ones and more third marriages — about 75% — break up than second ones.” I guess once forever isn’t forever, it’s easy to say, “Never mind, I’m getting sick of you.”
Though the divorce rate has been decreasing from 50% in recent years, there still remains the issue of “serial marriers.” Serial marriers are people, who have been married and divorced over and over, never maintaining a long, healthy marriage. A great example of someone you might consider a “serial marrier” is Larry King. Marrying 8 people in just 45 years, Larry King has earned a spot in the divorce hall of fame. People would argue that 8 marriages is way too many in a lifetime, but really, how many marriages forces you over that line of acceptability?
It is completely plausible for someone to have married three times in their life due to unexpected circumstance. So when is it too much? According to psychologists, a serial marrier is someone who has been married 5 or more times. It is assumed that serial marriers have psychological issues that play into their multiple marriages. Do we cut people off at four weddings, and force them to get therapy if they try to walk down the aisle a fifth time?
Laws do not regulate morality, so legally nothing can be done to prevent someone from entering into too many marriages. But it is interesting to think about whether or not a regulation on how many marriage certificates can be issued to one person would be supported. I guess you can’t put a limit on “love.”
Every day I come across couples in the process of divorce that say, “I was so blinded” or “How could I have missed all the signs?” When I hear about their relationship, it shocks me that they are surprised at all. We as a society get caught up in the idea of “true love” and “happily ever after” that we are blinded by our unhealthy, unhappy relationships. A diamond ring and giant party do not make a relationship last, and you should be aware of the signs that lead to relationship failure before you head down the aisle. Below are seven signs that you are in the wrong relationship and should end it before it’s too late.
- Your partner is secretive and paranoid with their phone
Number one sign that your significant other is cheating: hiding and protecting their phone. The only reason your partner is gripping onto their phone for dear life is because there is something they don’t want you to see. If this is the case, it means they are already keeping secrets from you and therefore will feel comfortable doing so in your marriage. Lying and lack of trust are one of the top reasons people get divorced.
- Your partner is secretive about the relationship on social media
If your partner is secretive about your relationship on social media, ask yourself why? Most likely it is because they are either ashamed to be with you or he/she doesn’t want people thinking they’re taken – just in case something better comes along. If this is the case, you should definitely reconsider getting married. Both people in the relationship should be proud to be with one another and want the world to know. Also, you don’t want to have anyone second guessing as you exchange those rings because if they are, you’re doomed.
- You two play power games to be the one “wearing the pants” in the relationship
Power play is never going to work in a marriage. If you find your partner becoming distant or trying to make it seem like they care less about you than you do them, it’s time to break up immediately. This shows that your partner is insecure and incapable of being in an even, committed partnership. They will never be on your team. If you or your partner will only put in enough effort to keep one another on the edge of comfortable, your marriage will fail miserably.
- Jealousy is a constant issue
When people get jealous to the point where they become angry and aggressive, or depressed, it is usually a sign of trust issues. Whether this jealousy comes from a place of insecurity or is a general trait of the person, it shows that when push comes to shove, the person does not trust their partner. As mentioned, trust is arguably the most important quality for engaged couples. If you don’t trust your partner or they don’t trust you despite other people’s actions, most likely this will blow up in the future and you will end up searching for a divorce lawyer.
- You never turn to each other for emotional support
Who do you want to call to vent to when you have a bad day? If your significant other wasn’t the answer you should just end it now. If you don’t feel comfortable leaning on your partner for emotional support now, you will drown when the actual tough stuff starts to happen. Marriage isn’t easy people.
- You can think of several friends or colleagues whom you’d rather be in a relationship with
If you or your partner spends time daydreaming about other potential partners then remove that ring and cancel your wedding. If you aren’t in the “you and only you” mentality now, you will never be while you’re with this person. That feeling doesn’t magically grow over time.
- You blame your partner for your life not being as satisfying as you’d like it to be
Placing blame on one another for the unfortunate events that are taking place in your life or for your personal stagnancy and lack of growth is a big red flag. First of all, if this is happening, you two clearly aren’t facing life as a team and you are probably insecure with who you are and where your life is going. Run away from that altar if your fiancé blames you in this way, if you don’t, you’ll be miserable later, and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.
So, if you face any of these traits with your partner, you should begin to consider your options to make a happier life for yourself.